


i'll follow you

by orphan_account



Series: NURSEYDEX WEEK 2k16 [2]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Meet the Family, Mild Homophobia/Transphobia, Trans Dex, Trans Male Character, by one character (see notes for details)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8217394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Derek wondered, pen in hand, if Dex was any different. If he kissed his mother with the mouth that fueled too many fights, if he was an older brother deserving of admiration, a younger brother to be proud of. Derek wondered if he chirped his family as freely and relentlessly as the team, or if he chose his words better than his battles.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! After posting the last update on the Niagara fic I found the time to polish up one of my NurseyDex Week prompts. Yes, I know ND Week was in July but I really liked the prompts and it's just taking me a long time to get through them while managing life.
> 
> This is the first chapter of two (2). The second part has NOT been written but is indeed planned out. All of the half assed "poetry" is mine.
> 
> The work title comes from "I'll Follow You" by Shinedown, as does the chapter title.
> 
> As per, I don't own OMGCP or the characters.
> 
> *See the end notes for potential trigger warnings.

The favor was a simple one.

“ _Will you come to Maine over the summer and pretend to be my boyfriend?”_

It fell from Dex's lips with no effort, no struggle, no venom. He hadn't been drunk, but Derek had. He'd used the tub juice as a sloppy, transparent excuse for pulling Dex into a hug and mumbling nonsense about _“of course”_ and _“anything for my best friend.”_

He revised his words later, sober, painfully aware of every love-stained implication.

 _if summer's fire could only desire,_ he wrote.  
_it would lust for the flames on his tongue_  
_as he tells of longing_  
_his hands  
__around my throat_

If Derek possessed a fragment of common sense the invitation would have sent him running, tripping over his feet to deny the the want lodged in his ribs. But he wanted to see the place that shaped Dex into the fire-hearted, quick-fisted figure he was. The place that knew him not as “Dex” but as William, or Will, or Billy. The place that polished and refined his edges.

Derek wondered, pen in hand, if Dex was any different. If he kissed his mother with the mouth that fueled too many fights, if he was an older brother deserving of admiration, a younger brother to be proud of. Derek wondered if he chirped his family as freely and relentlessly as the team, or if he chose his words better than his battles.

What it meant that Derek was placed in the role of boyfriend in Dex's mind, he had yet to figure out. Holster and Ransom would have enjoyed the charade, the challenge. They would have gone above and beyond to make it realistic. Chowder was the paragon of the perfect boy to bring home to meet the family with his wide smiles and loveable attitude. Derek, on the other hand, had no unique qualities to bring to the table. He was a poet raised by an absent FBI agent and a reclusive fashion designer. He had no idea how a family was meant to function outside of infrequent Skype calls and flashy presents.

Dex had said Derek would be the more believable option, but how could he be when he had never had a long-term relationship? When, despite his feelings, he could hardly ever say something kind to Dex without the situation devolving into a fight.

Dex had said, _“I already talk about you and you're the only one with the whole story. I think my family is having a hard time wrapping their minds around me being trans_ and _gay, like they're mutually exclusive or some shit.”_

“ _You talk about me, Dexy?”_

Dex had said, in between the lines, _“I'm trusting you with this.”_

There were numerous sonnets in Derek's journal about Dex. Works for class, short numbers for monthly poetry slams. They detailed his laugh and the constellation of freckles on his neck and the on-ice embraces that Derek would wage wars for. Dex's trust had yet to make it to paper. Derek simply couldn't put into words how much it meant to him to be given such a delicate thing to hold in his fumbling hands.

The plane started its descent and Derek placed his napkins, bruised black and blue, in his journal with similarly stained fingers.

Lying was simultaneously what Derek was best and worst at. Liars didn't make good poets because liars so often crafted an image more ideal than reality. Still, Derek had fabricated the perfect illusion of a man who cared and wanted for nothing. He was “chill” even when he wasn't. Even when he couldn't be.

So he was liar, but he wasn't. He was lying, and he wasn't. He could no longer separate “I want this boy” and “I'm not dating this boy.” He had to compromise to make the trip and terror clutched his mind at the thought that he might not ever be able to pull himself back from “I want this boy” and “I have this boy but it's fake.”

The airport was crowded. People milled about restlessly because there was somewhere they'd all rather be, somewhere they didn't want to wait for. Derek could relate.

Anxiety had never been a real problem for Derek. It didn't cripple him and snatch his breath, but as he waited for his luggage to come around the corner everything he could do or say wrong flashed in front of his eyes. His fingers found their way to his mouth without his consent. It was a habit Derek had been trying to kick for years but the sharp and fleeting pain of tearing skin from his fingertips anchored him.

The rental car was cold and artificial. A sleek, black, new model BMW that shouted a testament to the driver's inner monologue. _I'm better than you. This is everything you wish you could have._

Dex would hate it. It was the image of him sneering that had Derek revving the engine, windows down, Ray-Ban Wayfarers perched obnoxiously low on his nose.

Directions came in the form of a robotic British accent. Despite a new order every minute or so Derek still missed the exit. He took the next one and waited in a gas station parking lot for the GPS to recalibrate. Derek used the opportunity to check his messages. Kissy faces from both of his mothers, idle chatter in the team chat, and a “see you when you get here” from Dex.

The plan was supposed to be simple. Dex's family would be at a two-day family reunion when Derek arrived so they would have the time to go over things, perfect the madly in love facade away from prying eyes and eager ears. The first night would be relaxed, introductions, dinner, maybe a movie or board games if the family could reach a consensus. Derek and Dex would then meet the rest of the family for the second half of the reunion.

Derek pulled into the driveway behind a worn, tricolor truck. He took a moment to steady his breathing. The house was a quaint thing. Large enough to fit all of the resident Poindexters and not a person more. It looked like it might bust at the seams the moment Derek stepped over the threshold. He considered leaving, getting back on the highway until he dropped off the edge of the earth and into whatever inescapable abyss that might lie in wait.

As if he could sense Derek's inner turmoil Dex appeared on the porch, barefoot with his hands on his on his hips. With the sun in his hair and his biceps devastatingly defined in his shirt he looked too good to be true. He looked angry, too, as he walked down the driveway and Derek bloomed under the intensity of his gaze.

“Hey, baby,” Derek drawled, pulling his glasses down with a forefinger. He waited for the roll of Dex's eyes, the impatient tapping of his foot.

In lieu of a reply, Dex opened the back door and pulled Derek's bags out like they offended him. He had yet to say a word but the silence didn't last. Halfway to the house he dropped the bag and turned to Derek looking every bit as furious as when Betsy the oven had been sent to her junkyard grave despite the hours of tears and sweat and grease-painted cheekbones he'd endured.

“Okay, what have I done within the minute and a half I've been here that has you making this face?” Derek asked.

Dex shook his head. “Besides show up in a beemer that costs more than my tuition and wear those ridiculous glasses I hate?” he asked. There was a beat of silence before, “For once it isn't you. My family didn't go to the reunion.”

Derek looked directly at Dex, transfixed by the bow of his upper lip. There was a poem in his journal about gentle curves and white hot rage, about the errant freckle in the uptick of Dex's smile.

“And that's a bad thing because?”

Dex rolled his eyes again like Derek was being dense on purpose.

“Because that means they're all watching at the window,” Dex said slowly, through a clenched jaw. “They're expecting a show.”

Derek never thought much of heaven and hell and holy righteousness but he thought maybe he'd find the answer to the timeless question in the hand Dex placed on his collar bone, or the one on his neck. Derek thought maybe he'd understand the harrowing call of a cathedral's choir with the way Dex kissed him, a feather light chokehold.

Derek kissed back because it would have been a crime not to. His fingers trembled where they brushed Dex's side, his eyes closed against inevitable reality. The kiss was short and sweet and it stuck heavy in the air when both boys pulled away. Derek clung to the memory of the sun illuminating Dex's golden brown eyes and the ghost of Dex's hands gentle and warm against him.

“Earth to Nurse,” Dex teased. He hadn't pulled away entirely, his fingertips seared holes in Derek's shirt.

 _You kiss nothing like I imagined,_ Derek wanted to say. _I never knew your hands could be gentle. Defensive and aggressive, in battle. Methodical, in they way you pull apart broken things._

_I want you to pull me apart, too._

“Sorry, man, but you call that a show? No tongue? No French dip? No leaping into my arms? I have to say I'm disappointed.”

Dex shoved at Derek's chest, enough power in just his fingertips to manipulate Derek to his will. “I didn't say I was going to fucking dry hump you in my front yard,” Dex said. “Get the fuck inside before I break up with you and this will all have been for nothing.”

After his hands had been smacked away Derek let Dex pick up the bags and carry them inside. True to Dex's statement a small army of redheads flocked to the front door from the window. Derek didn't know where to look first; the burly guy who looked taller than Holster or the bubblegum popping girl with a serrated grin, or maybe the twins at their mother's knee openly staring.

“Way to be cool guys,” Dex said, breaking the ice. “Nursey—Derek this is my mom, my brother Roger, my sister Jess, and the twins Katie and Carly. Guys, this is my boyfriend Derek.”

 _Boyfriend_ was a punch to the throat but Derek smiled around it. “Pleasure to meet you all,” he said, shaking hands with everyone but the twins, to whom he waggled his fingers and winked.

“Billy's told us so much about you. It's good to see he wasn't talking out of his ass,” Ms Poindexter said.

“Language, ma,” three voices echoed.

Derek watched Dex's face but he showed no sign of being bothered by his mother's words.

“Billy take Derek's things to your room and we'll get started on lunch.”

Derek wouldn't admit that he didn't ever have much of an appetite but he followed the gaggle of Poindexters into the kitchen and sat at the table when the rest of them did. They watched with skeptical eyes as Derek folded his hands on the table.

“Billy says you don't eat meat but are you okay with fried rice?” Ms Poindexter asked. “We can just not add shrimp to yours.”

“Oh, don't go to any extra trouble for me Ms—“

“Call me Natasha.”

“You don't need to do anything special, I'll eat anything you give me.”

“Don't listen to him ma,” Dex said, announcing his return. He rested a hand on Derek's shoulder, heavy and tense. “He can't eat pork and red meat makes him sick and he hates all seafood. He can manage eggs and cheese and stuff on a good day but not always.”

Most people would have stopped listening at “vegan” but for Dex to have taken note of every reaction of Derek's was something else. A testament to how their friendship had grown over time. Unsure of whether or not he was crossing a line, Derek traced his fingers over Dex's knuckles, partly because he was the textbook definition of a masochist and partly to get Dex to ease off his death grip.

“What do you even eat then?” Jess questioned. She had her chair tipped onto its back legs. She looked like the kind of girl pop-punk songs were written about.

“Kale,” Dex and Derek deadpanned. A smiled curled on Derek's lips and the pressure on his shoulder loosened.

“Gross. They're talking all in sync and shit.”

“Language,” Natasha said from the stove.

Dex moved and Derek lamented the loss of contact. Their chairs were closer together than anyone else's but it wasn't nearly close enough.

Lunch was a mild affair, full of questions and pointed looks when Derek or Dex said something about their relationship. It wasn't anything Derek hadn't been expecting. It was almost easy. Every Poindexter in the room laughed at him, with him. Roger asked about his major and hockey and Jess was more interested in the tales he spun of Shitty and Lardo. Dex chimed in to call him out or add a detail he had forgotten in his rush to get the words out. Natasha had taken the girls to soccer practice shortly after lunch, leaving the whole room with kisses and warnings to play nice.

There was a new question for every one Derek answered, another well meaning jab at his expense. Lunch with his parents was never like that; mouths full and raucous laughter ever present in the air. If he was a painter rather than a poet he'd use a collage of red and yellow and the pale blue of Dex's tank top to set the scene.

_Scarlet and settled and all I have never known._

Long after the plates had been cleared away the siblings still sat at the table, arguing and kicking each other.

And Derek wanted it. He wanted to fit at the kitchen table that seemed too small because everyone at it was taller than six feet, with Dex's knee bouncing into the underside. He wanted to fit in not just Dex's world, but William's. Billy's.

All it would ever be was pretend.

Derek yawned and stretched his arms over his head.

“When was the last time you slept?” Dex asked, cutting Roger off in the middle of a sentence.

“I was up all night before I got on the plane,” Derek admitted. “Mama C wanted a fresh pair of eyes for her new catalog.”

“Jesus, Derek.” Dex sounded angry. “You've been up for over twenty-four hours and didn't think to say something?”

Derek shrugged. “I figured going directly to sleep once I got here wasn't going to make a good impression.”

“A good—“

“Yeah, a good impression. I've been thinking about trying not to look like a massive idiot all summer, Dex.”

The rest of the table had gone silent. Derek didn't raise his voice but he didn't do a good job of keeping the bite out of his tone. He thought about apologizing, something he rarely ever did with Dex. They fought and they made up with a celly on the ice or a cup of coffee during a late night homework session. He needed to be selling the relationship front, though. He could blame it on sleep deprivation, or nerves, or even—

“You're insufferable,” Dex said after a too long beat of silence. It was soft and not at all the retaliation Derek had been expecting. “No one would still be here talking to you if you didn't make a good impression.”

Jess' grin was back and Roger looked thoroughly amused even without one of his own. Derek tried to find something intelligent to say but Dex had taken his arm, bringing about a whole new level of distraction.

“Let's get you to bed, dumbass.”

Derek offered Jess and Roger a sheepish smile before letting himself get dragged through the house. Dex's grip had slipped to his hand which alone could fuel endless pages of poetry.

“I can't believe you,” Dex said as he opened a door and led Derek inside.

“What did I do wrong?” Derek asked.

“Wrong? You—“ Dex shook his head, fingers in his hair. He looked exasperated when he dropped his hands. “You should have told me you were tired.”

“I wanted to be a good boyfriend,” Derek said. “I know it's pretend but that doesn't mean I don't want them to like me.”

Dex sighed. Eyes closed and shoulders relaxed he couldn't have been half as mad as Derek thought.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Trying so hard, stupid. I'm glad you're taking this seriously, is all.”

“Really?” Derek asked, incredulous. “Because a couple seconds ago you were upset.”

Derek prodded because it was all he knew when it came to Dex. Prod and pine and lather, rinse, repeat.

“Is this like the time where you got pissed because I had the _audacity_ to get sick?”

Dex glared. If Derek knew how to make him smile and laugh then he would. He wanted Dex to have no reason in the world to be so defensive and angry. He'd settle for fire and contempt until he could learn what buttons to push and which ones were better left alone.

“Go to sleep, I'll wake you for dinner,” Dex said before leaving and taking everything that kept Derek upright with him.

Dex's room was quite visibly his. Movie posters and a color coded calendar long out of date were tacked up on the walls, his room was immaculately clean, and a well loved guitar was propped up beside the door. There was hardly a moment for Derek to think about being in Dex's room in his childhood home where everyone called him Billy before his eyes started to droop. Between the second his head hit the pillow and the next Derek had fallen asleep to the sounds of lighthearted bickering and the smell of Dex's body wash.

* * *

Derek had woken up in so many different beds over the years that he no longer felt a surge of panic at the unfamiliar surroundings. Groggy as he was it took him a minute too long to register to the voice in the background as Dex's.

“Nursey, get the fuck up man.”

Derek lifted himself up onto his forearms, groaning as he stretched. “Dinner ready?” he asked. A quick look painted Dex red faced and gorgeous in the light of the bedside lamp.

“Not yet, but I figured you'd want to primp or some shit.”

Derek grinned, Chesire slow, eyes closed. “You know me so well, baby.” Something hit him in the face but when he opened his eyes Dex was wearing a small smile that could easily be negated by the judgment in his eyebrows. It was a gentle violence, that smile. One Derek had come to rely on.

“Seriously, man. Change your clothes and get the drool off your face.”

Derek slipped off the bed and crawled on his knees to search for his bags. Dex shuffled around behind him, straightening the sheets into something semi-respectable. Derek would have left the bed a mess but Dex had always been anal about things having their own place and such. It was an admirable trait despite its fruitlessness.

“Red or green,” Derek asked when he found his bags. He didn't care which of the button downs got picked, he liked them both. He just wanted Dex's eyes on him; fire or appraisal or stormy or calculating.

Dex squinted at the shirts and then at Derek's face. It was hardly a look worthy of knocking Derek's knees out from under him, but he felt unstable all the same.

“The red one's kind of flashy and I'm convinced the top five buttons don't work. The green is fine.”

“Are you sure? I look really hot in the red one.”

Dex snorted ungracefully. “The green has short sleeves and the air-co's been on the fritz. Plus it matches your eyes.”

“Make a habit of staring into them have you, Dexy?”

“Shut the fuck up I know they're green.”

If only Derek could summarize the color of Dex's eyes like that. He could start by saying that they're brown but then he wouldn't be able to stop himself from adding that they burn gold in the light, a rich amber in the dark.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Dex gave Derek a cursory once-over, deeming him fit enough for dinner. “Ready to socialize?”

Derek curled an arm around Dex's waist, giving him a light squeeze. “Gotta make it realistic,” Derek said, mostly to himself.”

“You still look like you just woke up.”

“Are they expecting something else?”

Dex didn't answer because the moment the two of them entered the kitchen, they were met with whistles and exaggerated gagging.

“Your hand better not be in his pocket,” Jess said.

Derek slipped away from Dex with a grin. He held his hands up by his shoulders to appease the girl. “I'll have you know I'm a perfect gentleman.”

Dex laughed around a French fry, barely avoiding choking on it. “You're so full of shit, man.”

Someone called out “Language, Billy,” but Derek didn't pay attention to who. All of his attention was on Dex, who had taken a seat beside Jess, leaving the one between him and the twins open. Derek sat, leaning into Dex's space.

“Baby I'm trying to get them to like me, here,”

Dex ducked his head at the pet name but Jess doubled over in laughter. Roger seemed to be stifling a vicious cough to her right and Natasha looked wildly amused.

“Hey, _baby_ , why don't you get your boyfriend his veggie burger?” Jess asked.

When Derek stood to get his own food he could see the tips of Dex's ears turn a brilliant crimson. When he sat back down he knocked their knees together, one hand on the back of Dex's chair.

 _You okay?_ Derek mouthed. Dex rolled his eyes, one corner of his mouth curling up in betrayal. He knocked his knee back into Derek's. It was nice to see him unguarded.

When everyone had food, the table descended into chaos. Roger and Jess argued over the most recent Seadogs game and Natasha had roped Dex into talking about college. Derek supposed he could have joined in either, but he turned to the twins to his left. They quietly argued about which side of the plate of fries was whose so Derek reached across the table for a paper towel and piled some of his own fries onto it.

“Here,” Derek said. “Now you both have some.”

The girls looked up at him with wide eyes and matching smiles. Dex said they didn't like to be confused but to Derek the distinction was easy. Carly was quieter with more freckles and let Katie dominate the situation. Derek attempted to turn back to the adults at the table but the girls' impish giggling drew him back in.

Carly and Katie turned their faces into each others' shoulders to keep from meeting Derek's gaze. He turned his head slowly, catching a little hand sneaking towards his plate. He pretended not to notice for the sake of the game. Instead he distracted the girls in order to sneak a discarded piece of lettuce from Carly's plate.

What was meant to be a cute little game turned into full-blown warfare. Katie nearly threw herself out of her chair so Derek would catch her and abandon his plate. Any anxiety Derek had about meeting Dex's family had melted away. It was only after Carly tore off a piece of Derek's veggie burger did they get found out.

“Girls,” Natasha said, calling attention to their corner of the table. “Don't you think Derek would like to actually eat his food?”

Natasha looked amused. Roger and Jess shared another one of their glances and Dex—Dex had the most genuine of smiles on his face. It was breath-taking. Soul enlightening. Derek wished more than anything that he hadn't lost his grip on his beer the moment Dex's eyes met his.

“Shit—“

“Language.”

“I am so sorry,” Derek said. He reached for more paper towels but Dex grabbed his hand.

“Don't bother, Nursey. You're such a klutz you'll just make an even bigger mess.

Dex cleaned the mess with one hand but Derek zeroed in on the inside of his wrist where Dex's fingertips held him still. The twins giggled but no one else seemed affected by Derek's mishap. When Dex sat down back down he moved his hand from Derek's wrist to tangle their fingers together on top of the table.

It was a simple gesture but Derek was sure his pulse had spiked to unreasonable levels. _It's for show, it's fake, it's not real._

The rest of dinner went smoothly. The twins had been sent to bed and soon the only thing distracting Derek from the conversation was the gentle sweep of Dex's thumb sending his heart into overdrive.

“I think your boy needs another nap,” Roger said.

Derek's eyes had closed somewhere between Dex's extra programming class and Roger's failure of a love life. He hummed. “I'm awake.”

There was a soft huff from somewhere to Derek's right but he only cared about the calloused hand in his. That hand tugged and pulled but Derek couldn't force himself to let go.

“No you're not. We're going to bed.”

Derek sighed and groaned as he was pulled out of his chair. He held on tight to Dex's hand and mumbled something that was meant to be “goodnight.”

The trek to the bedroom was a complicated one. Derek tripped over his own feet with every other step. With the door closed behind them Dex deflated.

“I can't wear my binder to sleep so you're going to have to deal with it or sleep on the floor.”

Derek nodded and turned around to get undressed. He wore only his underwear to bed but because he was sleeping in close proximity to the object of his affections he pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and a loose tank top.

Dex had already climbed into bed by the time Derek turned around. He left Derek the space by the wall.

“You know I was expecting worse,” Derek said.

Dex laid on his back, eyes trained on the ceiling. “They're not assholes it's just—I went through so many labels in such a short amount of time that they're kind of wondering if this is a phase or not. Can't say I blame them.”

“Dex—“

“Honestly they're really good about all this stuff but I just wanted to make sure they knew that I wasn't going to change my mind or anything.”

“Okay,” Derek said. He kept his tone soft, not wanting to disturb the fragility of the truths Dex shared.

“They really like you, you know. The worst part is that now we all have to go to the second part of the family reunion tomorrow and you have to do it all again with my dad and my oldest brother.”

“How did they take everything up until now?”

Derek was almost afraid of the answer. Dex hadn't been exceedingly open about his family back at Samwell, only offering up information very rarely. Despite his secrecy it was clear there was a reason neither his father or his eldest brother were present for dinner.

“Jeffery was my best friend growing up,” Dex said. It was easy to hear the sadness in his voice. “I don't think he'll be outwardly antagonistic but my dad will definitely have some shit to say. He left back when I was in high school and took Jeffery with him.”

“How old was Jeffery?”

“He was a senior in high school, he and Roger both. Jeffery isn't my mom's kid so it wasn't like she could make him stay and accept me. I miss him like crazy.”

Derek's heart ached at the confession. There was something about the night, the blue light casting shadows on the carpet that made it easier to share feelings like that.

“I've got your back, Dex. Whatever happens.”

Derek could feel Dex shrug his shoulders. “You better or Jess just might stab you.”

“I'd deserve it,” Derek said without an ounce of uncertainty.

“Go to sleep, Nurse.”

Dex turned onto his side, the outline of his shoulder illuminated by his phone's backlight. If Derek knew anything about him Dex would fall asleep somewhere between the early hours of the morning and get far too little sleep for what the next day had in store. The day was bound to catch up to Derek eventually, the uncomfortable hours on the plane and the anxiety and the dregs of his too quick nap. The warmth radiating from Dex's back under the blankets was the straw that had Derek's eyes drooping, lulling him softly into sleep.

* * *

The reunion was nothing short of an epic shit-fest, to put it lightly. Derek hovered around the Poindexters he knew, switching between Dex and Jess and Roger when obligations carried one of them away. Dex introduced him to the cooler cousins who ended up being fine with Derek. They asked questions and congratulated him on “getting Billy to settle down so early.”

Roger was the prime socialite of the family. From all the parties Derek had been forced to attend he knew a poised stance and careful facade when he saw one. For the most part he talked about work and gas prices and little things. The only time his mask cracked was when Derek dared him to take an entire plate of deviled eggs and run. Roger didn't look much like Dex but there was a familiar mischievous glint in his eyes when some great-aunt called after him, hollering about how she hoped the eggs made him gassy.

Jess was the last of the Poindexters on babysitting duty. She perched herself on a small hill overlooking the many gazebos and shuffled a deck of cards like a Vegas professional. Derek watched as the cards fluttered gracefully between her hands, never falling out of place. The top of the hill was a good vantage point. Derek wrote about a bird's eye view and thinly veiled hostility while Jess set up a game of pyramid solitaire.

“I can't imagine you're having fun being passed around like this,” Jess said.

On one hand Derek hoped to be draped over Dex's arm the entire day so they could use each other as crutches to get through the small talk. On the other he was grateful not to be at the bottom of the hill playing a game of football. Watching Dex play was hard enough. The sweat glistening on his neck, the backwards baseball cap keeping his hair out of his face, the brutality of the muscles in his back and shoulders straining against his shirt. To actually be down there side by side with someone so god-like would surely kill Derek. Casual pick-up games of football were nothing like hockey. There was no padding and gear and gloves to keep Derek from combusting at every little touch of skin on skin.

Not to mention that Derek didn't know the rules of football and didn't want to seem like an idiot and ask.

“It's the lesser of the evils. I'm not good at football and if you think I put my foot in my mouth now just wait until I accidentally offend someone.”

“They're all a bunch of douchebags, aren't they?”

“You don't like your family?” Derek asked.

Jess looked up from her cards. Dex had said that she liked him well enough but her gaze was still so very critical. “I like my siblings. I like my mother. That's about it. The rest of these fuckers could rot in hell for all I care.”

“That's fair, I guess.”

“You must really like Billy if you'd subject yourself to this.”

“I really do.” _I really, really, really do._

“Remember that when you meet James and Jeffery.”

“James?”

“Our _father_ ,” Jess said mockingly. “He's got no shortage of shit to say. He doesn't restrain himself when he talks about Billy so I can't even imagine what he might say to you.”

Derek tried not to wince. “Dex warned me about it a little.”

“Good.”

As the day drew on and Dex's father didn't make an appearance Derek started to count himself lucky. Naturally, that's when whatever shred of luck he _did_ have crumbled and scattered in the wind. Jess wrapped a rubber band around her deck of cards and stood up, kicking Derek when he didn't immediately follow suit. It was nice to know that he was enough a part of the family to warrant casual violence.

“James just got here,” Jess said. “We have to go play nice before he gets a bug up his ass.”

Derek's anxiety accelerated from zero to one-fifty in half a second. He hadn't seen Dex in at least an hour and they hadn't come up with a script concerning James.

Dex met Derek and Jess at the bottom of the hill looking like Derek felt, green and queasy.

“This isn't going to be pretty,” Dex said, voice strained. If Derek could absorb all of Dex's anxiety into himself he would. He'd become the physical embodiment of anxiety just to wipe that look of Dex's face.

Dex held out his hand, fingers shaking like autumn leaves. Derek took it and tried his best to convey his support through his palm and fingertips. Dex's grip was strong, a vice keeping Derek tied to him. It was an unnecessary effort considering Derek would gravitate towards him regardless.

“I'm not going to say it's going to be fine because all evidence points to the contrary, but I've got your back when shit hits the fan.”

“My knight in shining armor,” Dex deadpanned.

James and Jeffery weren't hard to spot. The crowd thinned around them as if they had the plague. It wasn't reassuring to know that even the assholes Derek had already met didn't want to stand next to them. Up close it was even easier to tell they were related to Dex, seeing as they all had the same features and broad-shouldered build. Jeffery in particular looked a lot like Dex. He had the same upturned nose that the rest of the Poindexters hadn't inherited.

Jeffery noticed Derek and Dex first, gaze zeroing in on their clasped hands. Jess put a hand on Dex's shoulder, no doubt grounding him. If possible Dex's grip tightened on Derek's.

“William,” Jeffery said, short and professional.

Jeffery didn't have much of an expression on his face which made it that much harder for Derek to gauge the situation. He didn't have his father's blatant contempt in his eyes which unnerved Derek more than it should have. He looked hollow.

“Jeffery,” Dex said, practiced.

“Who is this?”

“My boyfriend, Derek.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure,” Derek said before Dex could. “Unless in the past hour we've broken up. You would tell me if you broke up with me, right Billy?”

 _Billy_ felt warm in Derek's mouth. Like a lifted geas dissolving on his tongue. Derek wanted a tighter hold on the boy next to him. He didn't want Jeffery to doubt for even a moment what Dex meant to him.

“Didn't know we could bring plus ones.”

“Significant others aren't plus ones, Jeff,” Jess said, all iced venom.

At that Jeffery cocked his head ever so slightly, like he couldn't quite understand Jess' words. Through the whole conversation James had been silent. He looked Derek up and down before turning to Dex.

“How long is this one going to last?”

Dex wasn't the most eloquent guy on a regular day but he visibly stumbled for words. Jeffery cocked his head to the other side. Derek cut in, eyes boring into James' face.“Forever, I hope. I'm kind of head over heels for this guy.”

Dex squeezed Derek's hand. He didn't know if it was in gratitude or warning. “What he said, just less sappy.”

“When this blows over, and it _will_ blow over, I can get you a job as a secretary in my office.”

Dex sighed. “I can't and you know that. I'm in college full-time.”

“Actually get into Samwell, did you? That college is fucking you up even more than I did.”

“It's not. I'm a computer science major, in case you didn't know. I'm good at programming. I still play hockey. I'm always going to be the same kid who rode around in Jeffery's wagon and helped you fix cars in the garage. I'm still me. My name's just different.”

At the mention of his name Jeffery shifted, drawing Derek's eyes to him. He'd angled his body towards his father, his hands no longer in his pockets. It was so slight a movement, so simple a gesture, yet the hair on the back of Derek's neck stood on end.

“Not to me it isn't,” James said.

“Even Jeffery calls me Will. The entire family, no matter how much they may dislike it, calls me Will. They may hate who I am but at least they respect me enough as a person to call me by my name.”

“I knew that spending so much time with me and your brothers would screw with your mind. I fucked you up but I didn't raise you to be like this.”

“You did! You raised _three_ sons and _three_ daughters. You raised a gay son who goes to a liberal college.”

James' arm jerked backwards and Derek was prepared to put himself between Dex and the blow—and so was Jess by the look of it—but the blow never came. Jeffery moved first. He had his father's arm in a white knuckled grip, the meanest snarl on his face. It was the first true expression Derek had seen on him.

“Don't you dare.”

James yanked his arm away just to lurch forward and hit Jeffery. Derek heard a soft gasp but he couldn't quite tell if he was the one who had made the noise or not.

Jeffrey's hands stayed at his sides. Loose and relaxed like this was just another part of his day. Derek's stomach dropped at his next words.

“You don't get to hit him. Hit me all you like—Lord knows I'm used to it—but you don't get to hit him.”

The next gasp definitely came from Dex. He tried to pull his hand away but Derek held on tight.

“ _You_ don't get to have the best of both worlds, son. Your job or _this_?”

Derek almost liked Jeffery for the way he didn't hesitate. “I'm tired of being your ragdoll and I'm tired of pretending I hate my little brother. I think it's time for you to go.”

James cocked his arm back for one last punch that sent Jeffery careening backwards into the trio. The sickening crunch had Dex yanking himself away from Derek completely.

“Jeff?” Dex asked.

Jeffery touched his hand to his nose, wincing when it came away bloody. Tears streamed down his face and Derek didn't know if it was the pain of the impact or all of those buried emotions rising to the surface.

“What are the chances he broke my nose, do you think?” Jeff asked.

“Pretty good,” Dex said. He held out a careful hand for his brother to take. “We should get you to the hospital.”

“If we do it before my termination paperwork goes through I get to use my insurance so time is of the essence.”

Dex motioned for Derek to follow follow as he led his brother towards the car. Derek kept right on their heels but Jess had disappeared into the gathering crowd. The silence was awkward and tense. No one knew quite what to say.

When Jeffery caught sight of the BMW he whistled. “Trade in my baby for a beemer?”

Dex snorted. “As if. She's been sitting in the garage since you left. This is Derek's rental.”

“Marrying rich, William?”

Dex rolled his eyes. Derek could tell he was the last thing on Dex's mind but he passed his hand over his back in a silent gesture of support. Dex let the touch linger after he shut the door after Jeffery slid into his seat.

Derek drove. He turned the radio off at Jeffery's request but the silence was stifling seeing as neither brother tried to start up a conversation. Derek wondered how much of the silence was because of the general atmosphere and years of distance and how much was because neither Jeffery nor Dex were particularly big fans of small talk.

The resemblance clearly didn't end at their looks.

The waiting room was equally as awkward. The fluorescent lights cast an uncomfortable blue-white glow over everything. Jeffery slumped pitifully into his chair, leaving an empty space between him and Dex. Derek was prepared to take back whatever mildly good thoughts he had about Jeffery until he slung his long legs into the empty chair and nudged Dex's hip with the toe of his sneaker.

Dex turned to see what his brother wanted but before he could ask a nurse tiredly read “Jeffery Poindexter” from a clipboard.

Jeffery had no shortage of facial expressions now. Derek wondered how much of his distance had been because of his father. There was the casual admittance to being hit, the way James dangled his job in front of him like bait.

Jeffery looked cautious and worried behind his broken nose. “Um, could you guys come with me?”

Dex smiled so slightly that if Derek hadn't been watching his every move he would have missed it.

“Still scared of doctors?” Dex asked.

“Still scared of clowns?” Jeffery fired back.

“Touche.”

The nurse walked the three of them to an empty room and Jeffery sat on the examination table. He looked every bit the pathetic mess he seemed to be with a swollen nose, blood stained clothes, and forming black eyes.

“Can I say something?” Jeffery asked when the doctor hadn't shown up after ten minutes.

Derek tensed for a fight, wrapping his arm around the back of Dex's chair.

“I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean shit, I know it doesn't make up for all the times I didn't call or speak up. We all know I'm the stupid Poindexter, I wasn't getting into fancy liberal colleges. I can't play sports for shit so there was no athletic scholarship in my future. Da was the only one who could guarantee that I wasn't going to work in fast food for the rest of my life.

“I was scared. Still am. You and Roger and Jess were the strong personalities and I didn't know what I had to contribute. When you came out I didn't know Da was going to do what he did. I honestly didn't know he could be so awful. If I wanted to keep my job I couldn't call or do anything.”

“You say you didn't know he could be so awful but apparently he used you as his own personal punching bag on the down low.” Though Dex spoke carefully there was a hint of anger in his voice.

Jeffery winced and wrapped his arms around his middle. Derek couldn't help but pity the guy.

“I didn't know he could be so awful to _you._ ”

It was clear Dex didn't know what to say. He stood up only to sit back down next to his brother, resting a soft hand on his shoulder.

“I was a coward. There's no excusing myself.” Jeffery took a shaky breath. “But I'm just so tired. I miss you and I miss Roger and Jessie and Ma and I know I can't fix what I did. I want to try to make it up to you. I've got a friend at who suggested a whole bunch of options for other work or school. I'll be okay without him now. I don't need him.”

“I might not ever be the kind of brother you can look up to again but I want to actually get the chance to be your brother.” Jeffery laughed but it sounded more like a sigh.

“Do you know what my name is?” Dex asked. It sounded like his words were caught in his throat. “Legally? William Jeffery Poindexter.”

Jeffery made a hurt sound in the back of his throat.

“Roger pitied me, I think, when I told him. I was always hoping, praying even, that you didn't really hate me. You're right, you can't undo the past but I'd like to be your brother again too.”

Then, all at once, all six foot four of bruised and bleeding Jeffery Poindexter curled in on himself. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed like a child. Dex hugged his brother, silent tears of his own running down his face.

Derek didn't know where to look. He didn't feel as if this was a moment he needed to be sitting in on.

When the doctor came in both Poindexters cleared their throats and wiped at their eyes, their faces falling into the same embarrassed look. It was like they were mirroring each other on purpose, every move intentional.

“You kids need another moment?” the doctor asked.

Dex shook his head. “No. No, I think we're all right.”

Dex sat in the plastic chair beside Derek's, leaning heavily against his shoulder. There was no audience except for Jeffery who sent a bruised smile and a teary wink their way before turning back to the doctor. Derek wrapped an arm around Dex as if pulling him closer would fix everything.

Dex sighed and whispered, too soft for anyone but Derek to hear, “I think we're all right.”

* * *

Back at the Poindexter household the lights were out all over. Derek perched himself in a canvas folding chair out in the backyard. He cocked his head back, taking in the stars. He never had the opportunity to see them much in New York. The drive to get away from all the light pollution was too long to take a cab and Derek couldn't drive to save his life. Out in Dex's backyard, though, he could find the constellations he's only ever read about.

Derek's skin was on fire, the smallest breeze sending shivers up his spine. After spending all day in the sun and pressed tight to Dex's side as his immediate family ranted about his father he felt overheated.

As if summoned by Derek's mere thoughts Dex stepped out onto the back porch. The nearly burned out bulb washed his pale skin a warm yellow. He flopped down on the grass beside Derek's chair. Derek dangling his hand off the side was like dipping a toe into the ocean, testing the waters. Dex reaching up to bat idly at his hand, though, was like a wave rushing up around his ankles and dragging him out to sea.

“Some day, huh?” Derek asked. He turned and pressed his cheek into his shoulder so he could watch Dex's face as he talked. He had his eyes closed and he looked more relaxed than Derek had seen him in a while.

“I never expected Da to come around, you know? He's just never gonna get me. I'm glad I have Jeff back, though.”

“You guys have a good talk?”

“Yeah he's camped up in my room for the night. I caught him up on all the things at Samwell. There was a lot of crying too. It's a little awkward but it's like he doesn't even need to try to call me William, like he thought about me this way even when we weren't talking.”

Derek didn't know where he stood with Jeffery. Roger and Jess had kept their distance but Dex and Natasha had stayed by his side all night. There was a hint of awkwardness to the air when he was in the room, like everyone else was on the fence as well. He had apologized and swore he'd do better and Dex had accepted that with a simple, _“Actions speak louder than words.”_

If it was enough for Dex then it was enough for Derek.

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah,” Dex sighed. “Coming home turned out not to be as bad as I thought.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I got my brother back, my family no longer doubts me, I got to spend time with you.”

Derek laughed. “Don't pretend to like me that much for my benefit.”

Dex sat up, eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we're friends right? I get that. But we spend all that time together at school so I'm sure getting away from me for a couple of weeks could have been nice.”

“I don't need you up my asshole twenty-four-seven but that doesn't mean I don't want to hang out with you. You and Chow are my best friends, jackass. If you didn't want to come you should have—“

“No, no that's not what this is about. At all. I want to be here, I'm glad I could make it easier for you. I guess it was just weird for you to admit to liking spending time with me.”

“Why is that?”

Derek shrugged. “I've just been the guy people hang out with because I'm just there rather than because they adore my sparkling personality.”

“Jeez,” Dex said, voice almost a whisper. “Guess I'm not the only one with problems.”

“Guess not.”

Dex stood up and brushed off his jeans before offering Derek his hand. “C'mon, let's go inside.”

Derek grabbed onto Dex's hand, relishing in the casual contact. Instead of letting go Dex swung their hands violently as they walked. Derek didn't care that his arm was nearly ripped out of its socket because Dex had laced their fingers together on the upswing.

“If Jeff is in your bed where are we going to sleep?” Derek asked, hoping he said actual words and not just a mantra of _Dex, Dex, Dex._

“Oh. There's a hideaway bed in the living room.”

“So you mean I could have been sleeping there instead of your room this whole time?” Derek regretted opening his mouth, hoping Dex wouldn't make him sleep on the hideaway bed if Jeff left before he did.

Dex rubbed the back of his neck in an endearing gesture. He only did it when he was flustered or embarrassed. What Dex had to be flustered about was beyond Derek's comprehension as he was still focused on the fact that they were holding hands.

“Sure, but we were trying to make it convincing, right? And—and my mom tries to keep guests away from the hideaway because there are like, broken springs and shit.”

“I was just teasing, Dexy. I rather enjoy your horrendous bed head and morning breath.”

Dex dropped Derek's hand to shove him against the arch of the doorway. “Fuck you, Nurse.”

Derek soaked in the moment; the feel of Dex's calloused hand in his, the laughter in his voice, the carefree smile after everything that had happened earlier in the day. He grinned and let Dex pull him further into the dark living room.

_ever charming is thy smile, the reckless wreck of thy laughter  
_ _do you question the reckless wreck they have painted me?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are the nectar and ambrosia of writers!
> 
> Come visit me on my [OMGCP sideblog](http://www.holsomblues.tumblr.com) or on my [main blog](http://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com) if you have any questions or would just like to talk about these losers!
> 
> *This focuses a bit on the dynamics of Dex's family and how they all reacted to his coming out as both gay and trans. There are different reactions by different family members but the only particularly bad reaction is by Dex's father. The scene concludes rather quickly but if you want to skip that part it begins at "Through the whole conversation James had been silent." and ends at "Jeffery touched his hand to his nose."
> 
> There is also a slight mention of child abuse, NOT towards Dex, but towards a character who is now an adult. If you'd like to skip this it is within the part mentioned above.
> 
> I want to point out that not every coming out experience is the same and that not everyone will take the news the same way. By having Dex accept Jeff back into his life I don't mean to imply that I think what Jeff did was right or that anyone should forgive or accept anyone who has hurt them. Jeff is simply a scared, messed up individual who did a messed up thing and wants to make things right.


End file.
